Only in Florida — better known as God’s Waiting Room — can a warped old timer cook up a diabolical scheme to consensually molest perfect strangers.

Truly, a geriatric prodigy who every man can admire.

Ingenious, really. Surprised no one thought of it sooner.

This from a recent Reuters article:

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

Atta’ boy, Gramps, er … Dr. Winikoff.

Sounds like he got a little greedy. He probably didn’t remember Blogging Boner Rule No. 1 vis-a-vis 80’s classic “Weird Science:”

Anything bigger than a handful and you’re risking a sprained tongue.

Now that’s proper bedside manner.