Not really. But some other lucky boners clearly are:

This awesome photo blog collects pictures of hot girls (mostly) in compromising positions, then adds an encouragement commentary to the protagonists.

Sounds oddly familiar.

These wizards might want to see Francis, Joe, before shit gets all wild and penal.

Clever, eh?

Alley-oop: I am friends with sluts

Or are they shadows? Who cares … I’m just pumped to see they exist outside my pants:

Fascinating.

A teacher from Ohio has it. It recently tipped the scales at 1,725 pounds at the Ohio Valley Giant Pumpkin Growers contest:

Over-sized carving kit sold separately.

Alley-oop: Yahoo

And it comes from the Benin Empire:

The Benin Empire or Edo Empire (1440-1897) was a pre-colonial African state of modern Nigeria. It is not to be confused with the modern-day country called Benin (and formerly called Dahomey).

Alley-oop: Wikipedia.com

Yeehaw!:

Hurry! This amazing sale won’t last long:

It’s official: Hugh Hefner is senile.

The 83-year-old, smoking jacket-wearing pimp has put his rubber stamp on Marge Simpson donning the Nov. 2009 issue of Playboy.

Here is what Hef mumbled on his Twitter recently:

“Marge Simpson has a surprise for her fans in the November issue of Playboy.”

Marge is set to appear naked in Playboy’s cover page along with a three-page spread of naked pictures, as well as an interview of one of television’s most favorite, and repulsive, mothers.

Alley-oop: Eonline.com

“My wife Regina, she has been horribly hurt by my behavior. And when something happens like that, if you hurt a person and it’s your responsibility, you try to fix it. At that point there is only two things that can happen, either you are going to make some progress and get it fixed or you’re gonna fall short and perhaps not get it fixed. So let me tell you folks, I got my work cut out for me.”

Thanks, Captain Obvious. You should have just written that $2 million check and kept bangin’ bitches. Wouldn’t have hurt so much. Sheesh …

Wired.com has a story today about Bruce Townsley, a former social worker from Chicago who purchased an abandoned missile base in Abilene, Texas, for $99,000 in 1997.

He has since turned the 2,200 sq. ft. underground Cold War relic into a “bachelor pad.” Pretty cool, right?

Too bad Bruce is an old, fast bastard who probably purchased the bunker because he is old, and well, fat.

Quoteworthy:

“You have to get used to living without windows. But I have a TV monitor [hooked up to] an aboveground video camera. It’s intensely quiet … and I’m a quiet freak. But there was a time when I had to keep a fan on all day just to have some noise.”

Sounds romantic.

This one isn’t rubber related.

A blind lawyer recently sued a prostitute and his credit card company after receiving a bill for $8,600. He claims the charges violate the Americans with Disabilities Acts, alleging his plastic provider didn’t sufficiently protect its blind customers.

Here’s a snip:

… Ginger Dayle, said that she had provided Pilates lessons to Peoples and denied that she was a prostitute or that she had defrauded his credit card. She filed a countersuit claiming that Peoples had inappropriately touched her butt and that he initiated the lawsuit after she rebuffed his sexual advances, according to court documents. That case also was dismissed. Peoples, 60, of Broomall, who has been legally blind since birth, claims to have met Dayle through an escort-services Web site. He said that he had sessions with her about every other week for six months in 2007 at $275 to $375 an hour.

Another fine example of the United States legal system upholding perverted justice.

Alley-oop: Philly.com